You probably can't imagine a MOB hit at your wedding.
What about the FOG rolling in and ruining the day?
Now don't worry, I'm only talking about the wonderful people who lovingly brought you into this world... or for some of you, you might have spoken about them as "those who shall not be named."
When you were dreaming about your perfect day, did you give thought to your parents, or your soon to be in-laws, and what their visions for the day are? Well if you haven't, please do!
There are several roles your parents can take:
A) the benefactor
B) the sponsor
C) honored guests, or maybe some combination of
D) all of the above.
Though some traditional families still have the Bride's side paying for the shindig, with many couples marring a little later in life, its become very common for each family along with the couple to contribute equally. Sometimes each family will just gives, no questions asked, while other times a family will sponsor a certain part of the celebration (rehearsal dinner, music, cake, etc.). I've also seen with couples who are able to afford the entire event on their own, show honor to their parents for all they have done in raising the couple. But other times the folks are really just "honored guests" (yes they got a corsage, and sat in the front row, but thats about all there is).
So while you might have a vision, they might have another.... remember that MOB hit I mentioned before? Well I've seen it attempted, and luckily was able to keep it from happening! A few years back, a multi-faith couple decide to be married by a judge so as to not upset or offend any family members. All through the planning the Mother of the Bride (MOB) seemed to be on board. Then on the day of the wedding, an older gentleman arrived quite a bit early of any other guests. He told me that he was a surprise for the couple - he was a Rabbi hired to perform the ceremony! Not wanting to upset the couple who had struggled with their decision, I asked MOB if she also had a priest coming for his side. Of course she didn't. So I asked if I should check in with the MOG if she had taken it upon herself to "order" one special. Realizing her mistake, she allowed me to to give the Rabbi his check and send him on his way, explaining the couple's wishes. So be clear with them. Either tell them what you'd like, or ask them to share with you their thoughts on the day. And be realistic about who they are. Some parents take on the responsibility of hosting very seriously and though having a couple of drinks, are still waiting to see what is needed at the end of the night and want to work. Some parents who have hardly been involved are surprised when I mention to them that the couple said they should take with them all the personal belongings at the end of the night. Some parents just watch on, almost seeming like some distant relative who is there out of obligation, but they haven't cut the cake yet, so they still can't leave.
One father of the groom, who was hardly present in the groom's life, was pretty wasted by the end of the night (the couple had warned me of that probability). Yet now, he insisted on taking the gift envelopes (cards probably containing cash). When I wouldn't hand them over he pulled his arm back as if to strike. Thank goodness the best man got there just in the nick of time and grab this F.o.G (who I since have referred to as a S.o.B!) and sent him off in some one's car.
So if you have a planner that you're working with, make sure to go over all of these details - the "supporting cast" if you will. And if you're not working with someone (call me!) make a list to give to the caterers of who is taking what at the end of the night - and make sure to share a copy with the people on the list. Believe me, they should know!Now go and talk with them about the father/daughter & mother/son dance... (topic for another day).
