Dreams or disapointments?

We all have dreams about our wedding. We can all imagine how tender our first married kiss will be. How beautiful we'll look in our dress. The joy we'll feel all day as we're getting ready for our big day.
What we didn't think of was how wound tight we would be feeling after days of getting only 4 hours of sleep; answering phone calls from guests asking if they can bring an extra friend, or change their entree because now they're going to try being vegan; listening to your mom about how she can't believe that your aunt, her sister, didn't even (fill in the blank) . So now you're doing the best that you can to hold it all together because in just a little bit you're going to have the wedding of your dreams, right?
think about the details. Share all of the details with someone who can help you on your wedding day. So not the groom, and not your mom, and not your maid of honor. None of these people will be able to sprint off to fix something that may come up. Of course I wish that every bride could have a coordinator for their wedding, but not everyone does. So maybe there is a cousin, or work associate that you can ask to help. Or even pass off different tasks to different people so they're in charge of making sure that just that 1 thing is how you hoped.
Yes, I know you can do it all. I know you have planned this so well, you know it like the back of your hand. I understand that you were your sister's MOH, or are the event planner at work. This isn't about being capable of planning. I'm suggesting you think of how you're going to get this job done while you're getting your photos taken. With so many planned details, not to mention the extra ones saved in your mind. Are you setting yourself up for disappointment?
A few years back, when I was finished styling a wedding party, and was packing up my car, I saw the bride's limo pull up to the front of the hotel. It was a little misty on that October day. And the bride was staying in the private cottages across the street. I watched as everyone came out of the cottage, carrying their dress bags, extra shoes, make up bags, etc. The bride had hiked up her silk Shantung so that her hem wouldn't get dirty. But as she stepped off the curb, her white silk heel hit a puddle. She was so mad she let go of the dress for an instant, and it too got a bit wet- she was in tears!..... If only someone had just asked the limo driver to pull up in front of the cottage. Such a simple solution. But not one person thought ahead to this tiny detail.
It was a tiny detail, but your day will be full of them. From the florist telling one of your attendants to make sure to squeeze the water out of the bouquet before giving it to you - but then the photographer picks it up and hands it to you. So, no worries, they can photo shop the water spots from your photos- even though no one has seen your dress yet as the ceremony is still an hour away; Cake cutting time, and you want to taste the chocolate raspberry layer, and not the lemon poppy seed one - but you forgot to ask which one was where; You decided that 1/2 way through your father daughter dance it would be so sweet if your new husband escorted your mom on to the dance floor, but you forgot to tell him.
there are many little whispers we have while planning our special day. But if you don't write them down, and then pass on the information it might not happen. I know you want to surprise everyone and have the most magical day. But please, please, please share your thoughts with someone else who can help you make sure these tiny details happen, and help to make your day amazing,  not filled with tiny disappointments. Because you don't get a second take at that scene. This is it! So don't set your self up.  Know that at least 3 things will go wrong. So ask for help. And most importantly you are still getting married!

To Do, or not to Do

Weddings are interesting beings. They certainly can take on lives of their own.

While watching the budget out of the corner of their eye, some brides cross lines and push the envelope more often than they choose to admit. So the dress is $1,000 more than planned but its "perfect.".. So the guest list grew by 50 more than we thought... So the photographer's packages start at our max... There are so many excuses we use to get what we want, that I'm surprised by how often I hear of the one place where brides really nickel and dime: Hair and make up.

I can understand not wanting to have someone do your hair if you've never been happy with how anyone else does it. Or maybe you have someone in the family that can do it for free. But when some brides have paid thousands for their dress, hundreds for their shoes, and will spend a few thousand more just to capture that look for generations to view, why wouldn't you want to have nice looking hair and make up? Or at least, why don't you want to pay for it?

There are certainly huge ranges out there for either hair or make up or both. Pricing will vary on experience of the stylist, as well as the salons they work at, and, well, their attitude, but that's really about it. You can pay from $50 for an updo, up to $800 for the same thing. What you are willing to pay is totally up to you, and what you value it at. I recently saw on an episode of Platinum Weddings a bride pay $3,000 for her hair, no extensions in or anything! But keep in mind that while some of us pay $25 for a hair cut, others pay $125 and higher. Some pay $45 for highlights, while others pay $350 for their color every 6 weeks. So why would that same bride balk at paying someone $200 to do her hair, make up, and travel to the spot of her choice? I can't figure that one out.
Just don't haggle over the price. If its too expensive find someone else. And then don't push all of your wedding stress on them just because they're the last ones to see you before you get dressed for the day. (I have seem many great wedding/special event stylist quit doing brides because its too stressful.) and yes, you tip your stylist! Treat the stylist with respect ( they've honed their craft), treat them like a friend (you can share everything with them), and practice your wedding smile on them, they have earned it.
Bottom line is; you don't get married everyday, so why look the way you do everyday? I say Do!

Creating or capturing moments

Have you ever noticed when you're at a wedding, that every corner offers the perfect place to snap a shot? There are amazing flowers, gorgeous food, and smiles everywhere you look. For every bride there is a perfect photographer. The question is: "How to get what you want from your photographer?"

There is a simple answer to this question... just be honest about what you want.

I've seen brides select a photographer from viewing his portfolio. that makes sense, right? Well, what is it that you saw that sold you on his services? Was it the natural, candid moments? Was it the staged portraits? Maybe its the staged moment. Huh?

On occasion I've seen couples be a bit disappointed with their wedding photos. They describe how the photos don't look like fun, or something like that. But do they capture the wedding?
You may have loved the photo of that other couple walking down the street in the middle of traffic, or the bride walking on the beach. Did you do that? Probably not.
When you see these photos, ask yourself if that's a moment that has been captured or a moment that was created. No matter how talented your photographer is when you want them to capture your day as it is, it might not look so exciting to you after the fact. Sure they can capture his boutonniere, or your dad giving you a wink, or your mother's tears at your first dance. They will capture your day. But if you want that photo of you skipping down the path, or your husband twirling you around, you're gonna have to do those things.
Some photographers are great at  getting you alone and feeling comfortable enough to get you out of your comfort zone. Just then he can create a moment. Something that later on in life will become a memory; "remember when we were running towards the swings?"
Now I'm not saying that you should act or anything for your photos. But if you or your family is sort of plain and a little boring, even when there is great food and fun music, you can't blame your photographer. If you don't lean over and whisper into her ear, you can't blame anyone for not capturing it. So when you're shopping around, don't be afraid to ask the photographers if certain photos were staged. And if you like them, ask him to do the same for you.
... and as for the bride rolling around in the surf - no bride in her right mind is going to do that between the ceremony and the reception... but they do the next day. We call it "trashing the dress." Why not. You're never gonna wear it again, right? So book another day with your photographer to play, and create some moments.

What was she thinking?

I love weddings. I love the real moments at weddings. The behind the scene kind of stuff. And believe me there are plenty. Photographers can do a great job in capturing moments you never saw. A tear from a parent, loosening up a tie, a groom giving his bride a cute little wink. You never know when the camera is going to be on you. So I like to tell brides to "have that Mona Lisa smile on your face constantly."
You see, a wedding is like being in a movie. Everyone looks amazing, the food is fantastic, and the music has every one's toes tapping. Which can also suggest that in this day and age of everyone being a bit like paparazzi with our camera phones, everyone is looking for a behind the scene story.
I remember being a guest at a wedding where the music was playing (loud), and someone came up to the bride. Well, she couldn't hear them and asked them to repeat themselves. Unfortunately she had this look on her face, you know the one we all make when we're not sure what someone just said; focused brow, squinted eyes, strained face. Not a good face to make when everyone is watching your every moment... at this wedding the questions quickly began: "what do you think happened?" "whats wrong?" "I bet..." fill in the blank. Everyone wanted to create a situation. Perhaps to make the story a bit juicier? But couldn't the wedding itself be enough? Couldn't the couple vowing to love, and honor each other be the best story anyone could ask for? Perhaps we're so used to sensationalism that professing our love just becomes the ordinary and mundane. Well, I hope not.
So keep that Mona Lisa smile - all day long. You never know who, or when someone is watching. But I can guarantee someone always is.

Servers or Servants?

When planning a wedding, we all know it takes a village... or do you?
To plan the small, simple, yet elegant affair, you'll be working with a catering company's sales team who will assign their team of 8+ servers, 2 bartenders, 3 chefs, 3 kitchen crew, and an event manager (more or less). Your music can be played by 1 DJ, or a string quartet (4), + a live band 4-10; or maybe just an ipod with a play list that your friends create for you. What about your centerpieces? I know you'd like to keep it simple, just a few personal flowers, and a small arrangement on every table... so that's about 4 in house to arrange, 2 buyers at the wholesale market, and 2 to deliver. Think about all the other services you'll be contacting and then working with for your special day. there are a lot of people working for your celebration. Up to 30 on site. Have you thought about them? What do you think about them?

When planning your wedding, little things can make a big difference in how your team will treat 'your day.' Please and Thank You still go a long way. A kind, sweet bride is someone everyone is willing to take a call from. And how about a little small talk (if they have the time for it). oh, and don't forget to ask about their office days/hours. - It seems I always hear about this one. "I left a message on Saturday, and now its Monday and I still haven't heard back. They must not want my business." Think about it this way... Friday I'm focused on Saturday's wedding; Saturday I'm not taking any calls or messages that don't have to do with that days event (which is what you want to happen on your wedding day!); Sunday there may be another wedding or a follow up event; Monday I hope to have a day off; Tuesday I'd love to have another day off, but am most likely reviewing the upcoming weekend's schedule and listening to messages; Wednesday in office and returning calls - hopefully. Thursday answering more calls, emails, site visits, etc. So please don't get offended or think that they don't want your business. Of course they do, that's why you've heard of them in the first place. And please, always be civil. All the way to the end. Even kind and sweet. Vendors love to recommend great clients to other vendors in hopes of creating what we think is that 'dream team.' - We're lucky if we get that opportunity once a year. 
Now the flip side of that kind, sweet bride isn't always the "Bridezilla." Sometimes its the bride that you feel took advantage of you, played you. The worst thing you can do is to be nice and kind all throughout the planning and the event, and as soon as the guests are gone all hell breaks loose. If you're gonna fake it to get people to do more for you, do it until you drive off at the end of the night. You see, wedding vendors are a special breed. We are hopeful; helpless romantics, always wanting to see the true love in a couple. Its almost as if we fall in love with your love. As if by being near you, a little bit rubs off on us, and we get to bring it home. So when this removing of the kid gloves happens, they can feel betrayed. And I am not speaking of the bride who breaks down due to the stress she's been feeling  during the planing, showers, and get togethers.- we're used to that. we see that all the time. Its the bride who finally lets her true colors shine through. Its the one who shows her claws that can blow you away.


Let me share a story with you... not that long a go, I had a chance to work with a  Mattel couple. You know the one - Barbie and Ken. they're the couple that look like models, are so kind and inviting, have amazing life experiences, probably met in the peace corps or on some mission helping to bring shoes or glasses to Guatemala. And they have the best love story right? And of course he hijacks her (just after their mission is over) to Paris for 3 weeks where he proposes, not on the Eiffel Tower, but across from it so she can have it in her sights as he drops down on 1 knee with a 3 carat ring - on loan of course, so that she may go back later and pick out the one that really makes her happy. anyway, everything is perfect about them. And so is their wedding day. Or so I thought. At the end of this night I hear the bride screaming. She is totally going off  at the DJ. And how his boss is going to hear from her. Shes going on really loudly, and I'm packing up her gifts and guest book. I quickly move toward her, and sadly, I can see that her family is quickly scattering about. At that moment it becomes clear that this isn't the stress release I mentioned earlier. This bride grabs her guest book, looks around and asks "why am I still here? I paid a lot of money for this wedding and why don't I have a drink in my hand? You've all dropped the ball on this one. You'll be hearing from me!" Then she points at the winery owner (who she's never met) and orders him to "bring my dress bag out to the car" and storms out. You could almost read the thought bubbles above every one's head as the sound of cricket's grew louder. We were all frozen in place. You see, in that instant, she took everyone on her Dream team from relishing in the aftermath of a great event, to feeling like some low, underpaid servant who wonders why they give up their weekends to be at your wedding. And let me tell you that's all it takes.
One moment like that can change everything. That's how quickly prices get raised, and good vendors retire. That's how quickly the discount you were going to be given because the event "was like being at a party" for lets say the photographer, or the caterer who wasn't going to charge you for those 2 extra guests, now says to their staff "forget that B----!", and takes home the 'go away' basket that they were going to gift you. They've worked hard. They are exhausted. And no one was out to get you. They were all there, all 30 +/- to make you look good. That's all. We are in the service industry. We love to help and to serve...
So what was the problem? I asked everyone; the DJ, the caterers, the bartenders, and no one seems to know. The groom just shrugs and smiles sheepishly, and walks out. Everyone is stunned. Finally I see her little sister who is quickly gathering the bride's shoes and that dress bag and I approach her. See its my job to make sure everything is OK, or try to make it that way. So I question the sister. She is almost afraid to tell me, so I'm thinking this is huge. A wedding nightmare. My wedding nightmare. turns out, that the bride's father had requested a song and the DJ played it. Whats the problem with that, you ask? It was that this was the song that the groom's parents had danced to at their wedding, and the groom had wanted to use it for their first dance too. But the bride decided against it. That's it. Nothing more. Who could have seen this coming? How do you plan for that? Dj's will ask what your 1st dance will be to, but they don't ask how many other songs were considered, or rejected. And if its not on your 'don't play' list, why wouldn't he? Especially if the FOB requests it. - I was shocked. Pure disbelief. She was gone.
After months of planning, calls that lasted hours, listening to her thoughts that she couldn't share with her friends. No thank yous. Not to the caterer, the staff, or me. And not even a goodbye. Not to anyone. What about those tips that I'm supposed to divvy up with the groom? gone. But I guess I could say there was 1 sign. A tiny one... earlier in the day there was a question as to the front of the cake - it was really exactly the same on all sides, but you look all around just to make sure. That's when the mother of the groom walked in and asked what we were doing. When I explained she simply said "if its not perfect, She'll go ballistic." What? huh?
I'm sure that this bride will have forgotten all about that one moment. But that moment and that bride will be remembered by all on her team - always. Simply because they were all servers, not servants.

So like any movie or event, its always the beginning and end that stays in your mind. Such is the same with a wedding, and the bride...

Who is a Princess Bride

The Princess Bride isn't the one with "Platinum wedding," and the designer gown. She isn't the one who comes from the family with the most money in your home town. And she certainly isn't the one who brings all of her friends and family with her for a destination wedding.

The Princess Bride that I've been so lucky to meet, is the woman (and often girl at heart), that is kind, respectful, caring of others, and truly in love with the person she is about to marry... does this sound like you?


With so many shows out there about weddings, and many of them wanting the brides they show to be rude, and obnoxious, the term "bridezilla" has become common place when navigating the wedding world. Although these "Bridezillas" may be funny to watch, they are certainly no fun to be around - either as a friend, family, or anyone working for them = the vendors.  These types of brides have increased the price of your wedding.
Its not unheard of for hotels, and caterers to charge up to 15% more for a wedding than a corporate event. How can they do that? Easy.  Your wedding is going to take them a lot more time to plan than a corporate event. Every time you call to talk about the napkin colors, menus, favors, etc., and every time your Mom calls too, is more time that they are working on your wedding. And even in the wedding world, time=money.
Now back to that Bridezilla. Because she is no fun to be around, or work for, she may not get the help she is expecting from her vendors. They may not be volunteering information, or offering discounts as they may to that Princess Bride. They are certainly doing what you have contracted them to do, but not more. Its true what they say " you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Think about it.
So, who is a princess bride?
The bride who can have 250+ guests travel hours, even days to her wedding because they are happy for her. They want to support her. She knows all of her guests. They're not just family, college friends, friends of her parents, and coworkers who they feel obligated to invite. She actually knows her guests. This bride takes the time to say hello, chats for a moment, and looks them right in the eye and listens when she asks how they are. Even at her own wedding! Somehow she has gotten to know that the sales person for the catering company that she is working with has kids, has asked their names, and knows what they do in their off time. This bride has written thank you notes to the site manager for all of their help - before the wedding! She is the bride who will have the wedding everyone dreams about. And let me remind you that the wedding we all have dreamt of isn't the one with the most bling, or the most tropical destination. Its the wedding where you feel so truly blessed to be surrounded by those you love; its romantic in gestures to each other; but mostly you're just thrilled to be marrying the one you love...