To craft or not to craft

Such a sweet touch to your head table.

 We all seem to have a friend or relative who is self proclaimed Martha Stewart. Or maybe its you. Are you a DIY Bride? Your wedding is the perfect place to share with everyone your talents and your wedding crafts- or is it?
I have been at many weddings where I have been very impressed. What was impressive was the bride's ability to say "enough." When it comes to your perfect day, the wedding of your dreams, there is a "wedding look" that you can see in your mind's eye. But do paper doll cut outs and felt flowers fit in? ... If this is a path you'd like to take, some things to think about with crafting are 1) time; 2) how good can you do it? 3) who is going to set it up and take it down for you?

music paper covered mason are a beautiful touch!

Time. If you're crafting, did you make a vision board, or something like that to use as your road map to get you where you want to go? Please do! Some times you can fall into the "I have __ months and I'm going to do something each month." The problem is that you might have tons of cute stuff, but does it really go? The other side of that -is that you might have started a project or two but the clock has just run out of time. Now what?  I have often happily stepped in where a bride has wanted something and either didn't have the time, or was traveling for her wine country wedding - believe me, you really don't want to pay the cost for shipping jars.

This gold glittered mail box is a great place for cards.

How good is it? There are many things that look great hand crafted. But there are also many things that are really just worth the cost (and time) to buy (or have made). And unless your wedding is in a setting where lots of hand crafted items make sense ( a wine country barn or garden wedding type), 1 or 2 things look nice. Maybe 3 depending on what they are. (Most people make their own programs, so I don't count those) More than that and you might bordering on tacky. I mean really, when was the last time you saw every detail tied in the same teal ribbon bows? the  wedding programs, the wedding fans, the chairs, the napkins, the wedding favors, the baskets for your gift cards & bathroom amenities. It can look pulled together, or it can all be a little much.

Who is setting up? Make sure you read carefully through the catering contract, it will state what they do and what they don't. Such as; Do set out linens, table numbers, move centerpieces to one central location at the end of the night. Don't/won't put out favors, your wedding guest book, centerpieces, ceremony items... and don't forget that you'll either be getting ready or taking some 1st look photos at the time this set up should be happening. If you don't have a day of coordinator like me, you can always ask a friend or family member to help. You'll have many offers to help. But don't forget the end of the night. Once everyone has had a good time, you'll find it a bit harder for them to want to stay. I just recently spent 2 hours packing up over 100 vintage small bottles at the end of a gorgeous wedding (some were used as flower vases, and others just pushed together on the tables for a great look!). But where you had months to gather and pack, there is usually only 1 hour allotted for break down - after that you might be charged overtime by the site (even if it is your wedding planner that is the one staying late).


putting together 15 'simple' centerpieces took 2 hours!

So take a breath and step back. If your friends don't call you the Martha of the group, then pick out 1 or 2 things you'd really enjoy making, and relax.  Your wedding will still be your dream wedding... we're just no longer in the day of proving what a good homemaker you are going to be.



Are your prepared for the Mob? what about Fog?

You probably can't imagine a MOB hit at your wedding. 

What about the FOG rolling in and ruining the day? 

Now don't worry, I'm only talking about the wonderful people who lovingly brought you into this world...  or for some of you, you might have spoken about them as "those who shall not be named."

When you were dreaming about your perfect day, did you give thought to your parents,  or your soon to be in-laws, and what their visions for the day are? Well if you haven't, please do!
There are several roles your parents can take:
A)  the benefactor
B) the sponsor
C) honored guests, or maybe some combination of
D) all of the above.
Though some traditional families still have the Bride's side paying for the shindig, with many couples marring a little later in life, its become very common for each family along with the couple to contribute equally. Sometimes each family will just gives, no questions asked, while other times a family will sponsor a certain part of the celebration (rehearsal dinner, music, cake, etc.). I've also seen with couples who are able to afford the entire event on their own, show  honor to their parents for all they have done in raising the couple. But other times the folks are really just "honored guests" (yes they got a corsage, and sat in the front row, but thats about all there is).
So while you might have a vision, they might have another.... remember that MOB hit I mentioned before? Well I've seen it attempted, and luckily was able to keep it from happening! A few years back, a multi-faith couple decide to be married by a judge so as to not upset or offend any family members. All through the planning the Mother of the Bride (MOB) seemed to be on board. Then on the day of the wedding, an older gentleman arrived quite a bit early of any other guests. He told me that he was a surprise for the couple - he was a Rabbi hired to perform the ceremony! Not wanting to upset the couple who had struggled with their decision, I asked MOB if she also had a priest coming for his side. Of course she didn't. So I asked if I should check in with the MOG if she had taken it upon herself to "order" one special. Realizing her mistake, she allowed me to to give  the Rabbi his check and send him on his way, explaining the couple's wishes.
So be clear with them. Either tell them what you'd like, or ask them to share with you their thoughts on the day. And be realistic about who they are. Some parents take on the responsibility of hosting very seriously and though having a couple of drinks, are still waiting to see what is needed at the end of the night and want to work. Some parents who have hardly been involved are surprised when I mention to them that the couple said they should take with them all the personal belongings at the end of the night. Some parents just watch on, almost seeming like some distant relative who is there out of obligation, but they haven't cut the cake yet, so they still can't leave.
One father of the groom, who was hardly present in the groom's life, was pretty wasted by the end of the night (the couple had warned me of that probability). Yet now, he insisted on taking the gift envelopes (cards probably containing cash). When I wouldn't hand them over  he pulled his arm back as if to strike. Thank goodness the best man got there just in the nick of time and grab this F.o.G (who I since have referred to as a S.o.B!) and sent him off in some one's car.

So if you have a planner that you're working with, make sure to go over all of these details - the "supporting cast" if you will. And if you're not working with someone (call me!) make a list to give to the caterers of who is taking what at the end of the night - and make sure to share a copy with the people on the list. Believe me, they should know!
Now go and talk with them about the father/daughter & mother/son dance... (topic for another day).

Come rain or come shine

     Saturday June 8, 2013 was set to be one of the hottest days of our Wine Country wedding season so far. 

Since it was my birthday, I had scheduled myself off for the weekend. Yet, I couldn't help think about all of those weddings that would be going on and how they were handling the weather. This is the type of day where timing really is everything. An afternoon, outdoor ceremony - say 2pm would have been so hot! but a late afternoon, 4pm or later would have experienced a cooler evening and even the fog coming in! As one wedding site owner reminded me "if you don't like the weather, just wait 20 minutes!"

foggy morning turned into lovely day!

parasols keep the bridal party cool.

wedding favors that offer some relief.

Umbrellas for shade cover at dinner.

What have you planned for your wedding guests comfort? And whats the plan B? I always make sure to talk over a rainy day plan with my couples (even my July weddings). My thought is, if we've talked about it, we might not need it... plan for the worst, then hope for the best.

     Tenting can be a great option, or plan B for your wedding. There are many amazing tent styles, liners, and sizes to choose from. Talk it over with your planner, and then have your tent company walk your wedding venue with you too. They might have something to suggest that isn't even listed on their inventory yet that will amaze you!

Colorful Wedding with a tent to match!

A home spun Wine Coutry Wedding

I took this one the morning we set up

Sarah and Thomas celebrated their marriage in a true wine country way.
Following their church ceremony, her uncle's home was the site for the festivities. "Shamwari" the first green home in Sonoma is on 4+ acres, surrounded by vineyards and a creek. It was no surprise that the favorite wine of the night was made from the grapes grown here.

When I first met with Sarah over a year ago, she asked if  I thought the home a good choice. It wasn't just good, for them it was perfect!
When you think about a home wedding, its easy to envision the flowers, and candle light. But what most forget about is getting it to that place. 2 days before, I met with Sarah at Shamwari with the flowers she had ordered from the local flower mart (she, her MoH and I put single blooms into various sized jars, vases, and bottles for the tables). The Bride, Groom, MoH, MoB and her partner were in the midst of setting up tables.(The morning of the wedding, her dad and his fiancee put out all of the chairs!) And like many brides, Sarah didn't always know exactly what she wanted, but did know when she didn't like something - and thats really just as helpful.
Though she had had an idea of how she wanted her tables to be laid out, her mom made other suggestions. My first reaction is to always support the bride's choices. But if you don't have a strong feeling about something like this, its ok to let go and go with the flow....
Since Sarah and Thomas' dinner was served family style, changing the layout wasn't an issue. If this had been a preselected entree, once the floor plan and meal chart get to the caterer its important to leave it as is - of course there may be 1 or 2 changes if there is a last minute cancellation, but try not to mess with it!

Sarah is a true Princess Bride in my eyes for several reasons. Though it was a very hot day, I never heard the couple complain. Her bustle broke, twice, so she either held it, or let it just trail behind her not worried at all about the lace through the dirt. And they opend their dessert station (Coldstone) early as some of the little guests couldn't wait.There were many moments like this that could have had another bride in tears, but the only tears shed on this day were from her sweet bride's maids as she walked down the aisle.

Sarah's easy going nature encouraged everyone to have a wonderful time. Your guests are always watching you to set the tone, and will either mirror your reaction of the day or watch you as if watching a movie.

And like all great fairy tales, "they lived happily ever after..."











All photos, with the exception of the 3 below, and the Shamwari one were taken by Sarah's photographer. A big Thank You to Carissa Woo for the amazing professional photos. To see more of her work check out: http://www.carissawoophotography.com/


 the deck lights marked the dance floor

Sharing a sundae

cell phones can't do it justice, but I loved the reflection of them in the pool!

Are you a "Martha Stewart?"

     With every engagement comes a flurry of thoughts about the wedding: big or small; indoor or outdoors; colors? And once you've moved passed those questions, most brides begin to look through wedding images (magazines, blogs, web sites) - if they haven't been doing it for years already ;-) And the photos begin to get clipped.

Once the date has been set there is a dead line. Every bride reacts differently. Some of you will be fueled by this to get things done, while others might feel overwhelmed.

Give yourself a break! A wedding is about the marriage and not the linen colors or favors. And marriage is a huge deal! You will experience so many emotions around it. So make things easy on yourself so that you can enjoy the whole engagement.

     Now, lets talk about a major part of your planning... the Details. Are you creative and wanting to come up with your own ideas, or is it easier for you to copy what you've seen? This isn't an area to pressure yourself or a time to make yourself something you're not. Be true to yourself and let the fun begin!

     Copy cat - if you're not the Martha Stewart type but want to be able to say that you made something by hand, pick something easy. As you go along clipping all those photos of things you like (center pieces, place cards, cake table, favors, etc.) decide early what you'd like to make. Perhaps you'd like to work on the place cards. This is a great way to personalized things. Maybe you'll want to hand stamp them with an image that matches your invitations. This is something that you can follow through into your table numbers and programs if you have the time. What ever you decide to work on, hand the other photos over to your professionals. Let them help you bring together your vision for your perfect day.

     Creative - if you've been waiting for this moment and just can't wait to make things, but want your wedding to be different, use all those images you've been clipping to get inspired. Maybe you see some one's paper flowers and are going to make a garland to sting around the ceremony area. Maybe some one's vintage suitcase (used for gift cards) inspires you to search out vintage postcards for your "guest book"... and that inspires a vintage feel - you make your own veil circa Jackie O, and you carry a bouquet made from vintage broaches. The one thing I urge you to do, is to NOT do it ALL. I've seen some brides with so many details that they leave themselves for last. And although they have every single detail ready and where it needs to be, they're running late and show up to their own wedding with damp hair. Then they carry that hurried energy with them throughout the day, and no one is even noticing all the splendid work you've done as they're too busy wondering what happened to make you so late.

     So whether you're the creative or copy type, relax and be true to yourself. Don't take the 9 months of planning to become a competitive ballroom dancer, expert at origami, and pastry chef. Enjoy this time and just be a Bride.

in search of sites and planners

Getting engaged to be married can be so excited! and for some it can be so overwhelming. The first thing everyone will want to know is WHEN are you getting married and WHERE will it be. All of a sudden you begin to feel behind even though you're just getting started. So you decide its time to get the ball rolling and visit some sites and maybe a few coordinators while you're at it.

here are a few tips for you:

1.take notes!... of everything you like; questions you were left with; and what you didn't like. It'll help you make your decision when you're back home. Because 5-10 sites is a lot to take in! you'll begin to jumble together your memories and the different impressions you got. Also, have someone take a photo of you where the ceremony would be so you'll get an idea of what the photos & guest's point of view might be.

2. sites - before you go, make a list of must haves; do you want to serve hard alcohol? do you want to shuttle people in (is there big enough space for buses)? Do you have elderly (is it handicap accessible? are there lots of stairs or walking involved?)? how many bathrooms are there (will there be a long line of people all night?)? is there a private space for you and your bridal party to dress or change or get away for a few moments? does it fit your budget? What are the available dates? (if you want candles everywhere but this site only has July dates left for Sunday afternoons, you probably won't have any candles!)
*Make sure you have this list handy because you might fall in love with a site that doesn't meet your criteria, and then you're stuck. Try not to compare the sites as they're all so different - code for don't fall in love with what won't work. And allow enough time to talk about your impressions before going off to the next spot. You might both have a totally different view of the site. And remember that the bottom line, is the bottom line. If it doesn't fit the budget, its OK to move on... no one will ever know what you passed on.

3. planners/coordinators - have a good idea of where you need help. If you have no idea, be honest to your self about that. And then ask how they can be of help to you. Make sure to listen to concrete thoughts, not just fluff words like "I will make sure everything is amazing. It's gonna be out of this world! I can totally read you, and will create a dream come true."... Even I'd love to hear all that, but what does it translate to?? Ask for concrete  items of what they do. Find out if the coordinator is a planner vs. a coordinator = here is a story about a planner -  Some people dream big; paint an amazing visual for you, and can get you really excited about the possibilities. I just heard about a couple who with just 3 months before their wedding were feeling overwhelmed. So they hired "an amazing planner" who quickly decided that they needed to add a few chandeliers to their outdoor venue for dramatic lighting, thought the dancing area would look better in photos for their dinner, and had the dancing where the dining usually takes place, and she decided to change their shuttles to 1 bus as it would be more fun to have bigger crowds on the bus at one time. Unfortunately, although the planner had done a walk thru with the couple, she didn't work with the other vendors or the site to get their opinions. The couple ended up spending $3k more for lighting that was never used as their wedding was in July and the wedding ended at 9pm (the sun was just setting when it was all over!). The dinner was so jammed packed with guests because the space was too tight for the number of guests they had. And the dancing wasn't fun as people were supposed to dance on the grass because the site wouldn't allow a dance floor on their lawn ($1200 wasted!), not to mention that the 1-56 pax bus couldn't fit under the permanent awning so the guests actually had to walk down the street a ways, in the dark because it was the only place the bus could fit! - Now believe me when I say that I don't mean a planner can't work some place new (I do it all the time :-)). But I talk to other vendors about their experiences there, I speak to the site, and I trouble shoot all of the what ifs.
So in comparison, a coordinator is a person who executes the plans - yours or theirs. Not everyone can do this well... some folks get stressed out, and hence stress you or the families out. Some have others on their teams to do this part of it.Coordinating isn't always so glamorous, so you need to know if they're willing to do the dirty work too. They also need to get along with all of the vendors - they are the back stage directors, not the stars... so know what you're getting when you sign on that dotted line. If they have the nickname of "Sargent" or the "Colonel" these aren't really good things!
So ask:

-how long they've been doing this work (you'd be surprised how many people jump in when they've lost their job some place else)... and these days anyone can build a great web site.

- how they got into the business (some had so much fun planning their own wedding! Doesn't mean they can plan yours)

- and give them a few nightmare scenarios and listen to their answers. How fast can they think on their feet?

- don't buy into any vendor that makes you feel pressure (oh my, you're getting started really late! or You mean you haven't hired a ____ yet? you better start right away! (remember this person is supposed to make you feel better, not worse!)

- what areas are they experienced in? what's their specialty?

whats their favorite part of the job/experience?

- most importantly - how do they feel to you?? This person, on your wedding day, will be around you a lot! does their voice irritate you? are they too bossy? are they too quiet? Are they a little quirky? Are they a bit gruff? Only you know what feels right to you. And this is the only position where it really matters - (well your photographer too). And believe me, I've met plenty of brides who once we get to chatting I refer them to someone else because I know we're not a good fit...

So just a few things to think about!... good luck!!!

Be our guest!

How do you plan a great event and still manage to enjoy it?

I hear this question all the time. And those couples that don't ask have already told me they're planning to work; "I know I won't get to eat a bite. I'll be too busy visiting tables."
When you spend months making such detailed decisions such as how the napkins will be folded, and which font to use for your menu cards, and don't forget about flowers in the restrooms, I really hope you do enjoy it!
Its true there are so many things happening at once that it can be hard to see it all, but there are ways around that...
Use your photographer. Aside from taking photos of key moments, they will take detail shots for you. Let them know ahead of time what you've put time and effort into. If you've ordered flowers for the entry gate - tell them. You might not get to see such details and won't even remember that you had a detailed conversation about which way the ribbon would be tied. But if there is a photo of it you will.

Think you'll go hungry? Don't.
Brides that don't eat because they want to make the rounds make 2 main mistakes; 1. they feel like they're on a mission, so no one ever feels you're really enjoying this chat = you're crossing me off the list. 2. They get bitchy. Of course you do! its been days since you've eaten enough and you're really tired. You might not know it as the adrenalin has kicked in, but you're gonna crash, and most likely it ain't gonna be pretty.
Listen, you've picked an awesome menu, now have a seat. Your guests are much more relaxed and enjoying their meal if they can see you doing the same. When you're working the room, not eating, guests like your Auntie are wondering if there is anything they can do for you, or whats wrong, or "I wonder if shes looking for the ___ that I put over by the ____." Once you relax, they will too. Bon Appetit!

Minding your time - let someone else do it for you. Hopefully you have some amazing coordinator who is keeping track of the day for you. Let them. Don't micro manage and keep on asking if its time yet - when it is, they will let you know. I mean really, we can't cut the cake with out you.

Think of it this way; running an event is like any project. Your mind is very task oriented. But being a guest is very creative as you're enjoying the experiences that surround you. Don't try to have your brain flip flop from side to side all night. Just experience what you've already worked on. You are your guests barometer. When you're having fun, they will too.

The bottom line is that you have hired a great team of professionals (I hope!). Trust that they are doing just what you've asked them to do. Enjoy you day and be our guest.